I did some soul searching tonight and realized that I have not felt like myself lately because I have been neglecting something very near and dear to my heart: my dream of becoming a Power Ranger Super Megaforce. I’ve been trying to talk myself out of it for awhile now, but then I watched the first episode of the most recent season and they have a pirate ship!!! A freakn’ PIRATE SHIP!!! You can’t convince me that life will ever be better than this. I have fallen in love and know with all my heart that this is my destiny. I am currently behind the curve and in desperate need to catch up, but I am convinced that I can catch up! I have started taking notes on some items that I need to work on. I have included them below for those of you that have the same dreams and aspirations as myself. Don’t worry! I’ve got your back… Yo!
- If you are of the female persuasion your only clothing options are pink or yellow. If you are male, you can choose any color that is not pink or yellow. Once you have chosen a color you will not be permitted to change it, so make sure you’re committed. This is very important as you must have your specified color on at all times. If you are caught without the identifying marker, you may be kicked off the team or killed. I’m not exactly sure which punishment it is, but they’re equally horrible.
- Side note: Women, I know that you’re worried about showing too much of your form while you are in your fighting gear. Your fears are justified, but someone already thought of that. You’ll have a skirt over your pants. It’ll make fighting a little bit more uncomfortable, but being able to wear a skirt more than makes up for the inconvenience. Crisis averted!
- Men must be able to strike a pose and brood on command. I would suggest practicing in a mirror before trying it in public. A brooding session could break out at any moment. You must be vigilant!
- Women must be able to create a positive and uplifting atmosphere on and off the front line. How else will good triumph over evil? Use sentiments like, “putting everything back together shows the enemy that we won’t give up” and “they can never win because they will never have our strength of character!”
- Work on your witty banter. This is an absolute must! You have to be able to impress your opponent on the battlefield with the power of your words. Choose your words carefully though. The right words will be able to dazzle your foe in such a way that he will stop fighting to jot down any pointers you may have. For example you can use something like like the following in response to your foe, “No price is too steep when protecting planet earth! We’re ready to give it everything we’ve got!” (That’s one of my favorites!)
- Work on your ninja speak. Use words like “hiyah” and “huit huit YAH!” and “hah diyah!” Otherwise, your karate skills are basically useless.
- It is proper protocol to announce your intentions when fighting. It’s considered incredibly rude not to do so.
- Before announcing your intentions to your foe, you are required to let them know what color you wear. They may not know who’s speaking to them since you have a helmet on and can’t see your lips move.
- No one can know that you are a Power Ranger. It will ruin everything! The aliens will be able to find you while you are in class, and the entire world will be taken over because you have a big mouth.
That’s it for right now, but I will continue to take notes. In the meantime, I have written a poem.
An Ode to The Power Rangers
Oh, how mighty and strong
Courageous and brave
Witty and charming
For you will always save
us from aliens that attack
Every single freakn’ day
3am and still not tired 